the physical representation of the spiritual

I’ve been off my grind. I’ve gone to the gym ~maybe~ 10 times this month, I’ve stopped keeping track of my meals and water intake, I’ve just let go. The same goes for my spiritual life-I’ve been constantly pushing time with God aside. Somehow, I was surprised to find myself at a severe low point-void of motovation and drive, and apathetic. Yet today, I had reached a point where I said “enough.” I went outside to do tire runs up a hill. There I was, dragging the tire up my hill. I couldn’t catch my breath, my lungs felt cold and my collarbone felt locked. My legs were on the verge of giving out from under me. I hate that feeling so much. Why did I keep doing it? Because it struck me and reminded me of the fear that I’m dragging behind me, of how it’s killing me and truly bringing me to the ground. But I MADE it to the top of the hill alive. Every time I stepped atop the hill I was reminded that I CAN overcome this fear; I can do all things through Christ, I am more than a conqueror through Christ. The same goes for how I felt afterwards-close to collapsing, terribly weak. That’s because I didn’t properly fuel my body with food. My deteriorating mental state recently is due to malnutristion-I haven’t been taking in the Word of God and communicating with Him. See, exercise isn’t just for a healthy body for me; it’s my therapy. It’s a time when I’m alone with my thoughts, alone with the voices in my head. It’s a place where I gain control over them. It’s a physical representation of the part of my life you can’t see. It’s a time where I feel so close to giving up…yet when I look down and see that Bible verse hanging around my neck, I push on. 

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